Pirate Greeter

A particular Never Not Funny staffer has had a life-long dream of one day becoming a pirate. This same staffer has vowed to one day be a greeter at Wal-Mart after retirement comes his way. I think I've actually found the perfect job for him:

Hey, we all have to have dreams. Thanks to the folks at Free Credit Report for a commercial that's never not funny.

Crazy Pirate

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in the front of his pants.

The bartender says "Hey buddy - you know you got a steering wheel in the front of your pants?"
The pirate says, "Arggh, me knows. It's drivin' me nuts."