With great power comes great responsibility

If you've become familiar with Never Not Funny staffers via this blog, you know one thing we really like to do is eat. When the sacred lunch hour is not spent playing Texas Hold 'Em, we'll venture out with the rest of corporate America for a bite to eat.

As we're also a relatively frugal bunch, when Bennigan's started offering their $4.99 Cash Crunch Lunch, it quickly became one of our favorite establishments. Things seemed to be going so well - the limited-time promotion was extended and the Cash Crunch menu was expanded. We at Never Not Funny were living large. And then, out of nowhere, comes the email below.

It would seem that our hunger got the best of Bennigan's - we, apparently, ate them out of house and home. After tears were shed, we came to the realization that we, as consumers, are extremely powerful. And with that great power comes great responsibility. We promise to do our best not to put any other restaurants out of business.

That just happened!

If you're a regular reader of this blog, you know that two things Never Not Funny Staffers spend a lot of time doing are playing Texas Hold 'Em and passing gas (once again, no one ever said this blog was sophisticated).

Several staffers have seen the move Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby (some, perhaps, too many times) and everyone knows memorable quotes like, "shake and bake" and "if you ain't first, you're last" but we've latched on to a less obvious quotable. "That just happened."

While seemingly mundane at first, the power of these words is quickly revealed when used in the contexts of smack-talking or insults. They're especially effective when followed up with, "Doesn't that just blow your mind?!"

For example, in the context of the lunch-time Texas Hold 'Em games:

I'm all in. That's right, that just happened.

Or, following gaseous expulsion (see flatulence or fart if that's more your speed):

Oh yeah, that just happened.
Doesn't that just blow your mind?!

Of course, it can also be used to put emphasis on an insult as well:

Having a fourth donut, eh Butterball?
You heard right, that just happened!

Those are just few of the plethora of ways "that just happened" can be effectively used. Trust me-there are plenty more opportunities out there. And if you don't get it, well, maybe you're just not cut out for this blog, Einstein.

That just happened. Doesn't that just blow your mind?!

You're In...

You know, the lunchtime Texas Hold 'Em games that Never Not Funny staffers participate in Monday to Thursday provide a lot of fodder for this blog - I imagine you'll be seeing more and more about these games as time goes on. Anywho...

Because we are at work, there are sometimes distractions during the poker game. It's not unusual for a participant to be checking email on a mobile device only to look up and find that another player has already pushed his ante in for him. "You're in," the proxy-bettor will say. Depending on the mood of the bet-by-proxy participant (whose chips have been pushed in for him), you may hear the rebuttal, "Feces."

OK, caught your breath yet? Cause, man, that is funny stuff. What? You don't get it? You're in. Feces. Still no? You're in, which can sound like urine if said quickly. Then feces. Got it? It's like trading insults. You know, if you have to explain it...

Flatulence = Fun

Nobody ever said this blog was sophisticated...

As staffers gathered to play the lunch-time Texas Hold 'Em game today, one eagerly shared an especially nauseating butt-cheek chorus compliments of, according to said staffer, "generic Aldi cheerios." Now, if you're a fan of this blog, you know that flatulence in and of itself can be the main entrance to an amusement park of side-splitting, eye-watering fun. Add the "Ozium factor" to the mix and you've got even better comedy.

As you may have guessed, this isn't the first time a Never Not Funny staffer has "let one go." Oh no, it is such a frequent event, in fact, combatant sprays have been purchased. Enter Medco Sports Medicine's Ozium. This particular staffer spent the better part of the poker game attempting to determine the correct timing and mixture of Ozium vs. noxious gas to keep the surrounding air that intoxicating aroma only 5 or 6 guys at lunch time can create.

His antics ranged from simultaneous expulsion of both gases, to Ozium before or Ozium after flatulence both with and without the aid of a small desktop fan. While additional research is required because there was no consensus in a successful containment, this staffer believes the Ozium needs something to "eat." As such, Ozium should be released at some yet-to-be-determined (but certainly short) amount of time after the human expulsion.

And that was just the first 15 minutes of a 1 hour game. For those of you who can't imagine it, let me tell you, hilarity ensued.

P.S. Did I mention that Ozium is labeled as a "Hazmat" item and cannot be shipped by air? That says something about the powers being meddled with...

The Mighty Wingman

This Coors Light commercial is good comedy in and of itself. Of course, with a Never Not Funny staffer spin on it, it's nearly pee-your-pants funny. I'll explain...

NNF staffers play Texas Hold 'Em on a pretty regular basis at lunch every day. As you might imagine, there are a few house rules. One of them is to mumble the words to Kenny Loggins' "Danger Zone" of Top Gun fame when you are nearing the bottom of your poker chip pool. It's not unusual for a few players to be in or approaching the danger zone at the same time. Good camaraderie often prevails and one staffer will say, "I'm right there with ya-I'm your wingman."

And if that didn't make you smile, at least the video should...

You're not very good at...

Our friends over at Larger Than Average have been a bit lax in updating their blog and, in true Never Not Funny fashion, have resorted to mocking themselves for material. NNF staffers stumbled across a graphic sometime back that we have adopted to be used for just about anything that requires mocking. Exhibit A:
While the Internet is the originator, it's not unusual to hear, "You suck at Texas Hold 'Em" or, "You suck at eating food." Whatever the occasion where someone has made a buffoon of themselves, that's what they suck at.

Childish and immature, no doubt, but still Never Not Funny.