The older I get, the better I was

As legend goes, a former neighbor of a Never Not Funny staffer dropped a bag of shredded cheddar cheese while making a burrito. It wasn't a simple drop, oh no. In true Never Not Funny fashion, it was one of those drop-fumble-I've got it-drop again-bobble-I've got it again-bobble again-fall to the floor drops. Legend has it that this middle-aged white Anglo-Saxon protestant then stated, "A year ago, I would have caught that." Yes, the older I get, the better I was.

Fast-forward a few years and this legendary conversation where the phrase "the older I get, the better I was" was coined and we find thievery. Someone else has started making t-shirts with our slogan. Without our approval. Without even asking. Needless to say, we aren't receiving any royalty checks or anything, either.

Oh well, our loss is the world's gain. In the spirit of spreading Never Not Funny cheer, you can get your own gear at Old Guys Rule.

Flatulence goes mainstream

It's not just us - Dr. Billy Goldberg and Mark Leyner have written an article called, "The Body Odd." The subhead states, "Passing time by passing gas, plus fun fart facts!" You can read it over at msnbc.com. There was a link to this article on MSNBC's home page - a link to farting on the MSNBC home page for crying out loud! Never Not Funny staffers - perpetually ahead of the curve.

Just so you don't think we're making this up, photographic evidence is provided below.


Perhaps we should let them know about Ozium...

Flatulence = Fun

Nobody ever said this blog was sophisticated...

As staffers gathered to play the lunch-time Texas Hold 'Em game today, one eagerly shared an especially nauseating butt-cheek chorus compliments of, according to said staffer, "generic Aldi cheerios." Now, if you're a fan of this blog, you know that flatulence in and of itself can be the main entrance to an amusement park of side-splitting, eye-watering fun. Add the "Ozium factor" to the mix and you've got even better comedy.

As you may have guessed, this isn't the first time a Never Not Funny staffer has "let one go." Oh no, it is such a frequent event, in fact, combatant sprays have been purchased. Enter Medco Sports Medicine's Ozium. This particular staffer spent the better part of the poker game attempting to determine the correct timing and mixture of Ozium vs. noxious gas to keep the surrounding air that intoxicating aroma only 5 or 6 guys at lunch time can create.

His antics ranged from simultaneous expulsion of both gases, to Ozium before or Ozium after flatulence both with and without the aid of a small desktop fan. While additional research is required because there was no consensus in a successful containment, this staffer believes the Ozium needs something to "eat." As such, Ozium should be released at some yet-to-be-determined (but certainly short) amount of time after the human expulsion.

And that was just the first 15 minutes of a 1 hour game. For those of you who can't imagine it, let me tell you, hilarity ensued.

P.S. Did I mention that Ozium is labeled as a "Hazmat" item and cannot be shipped by air? That says something about the powers being meddled with...

The Mighty Wingman

This Coors Light commercial is good comedy in and of itself. Of course, with a Never Not Funny staffer spin on it, it's nearly pee-your-pants funny. I'll explain...

NNF staffers play Texas Hold 'Em on a pretty regular basis at lunch every day. As you might imagine, there are a few house rules. One of them is to mumble the words to Kenny Loggins' "Danger Zone" of Top Gun fame when you are nearing the bottom of your poker chip pool. It's not unusual for a few players to be in or approaching the danger zone at the same time. Good camaraderie often prevails and one staffer will say, "I'm right there with ya-I'm your wingman."

And if that didn't make you smile, at least the video should...

Go For Papa Palpatine

Some of the Never Not Funny staffers are pretty big Star Wars nerds. Others have seen the movies (most of them, anyway) but don't know what Luke Skywalker's mother's name is or who Yoda went to college with. Even for the latter, there's something about Darth Vader crying on the phone and being called a "whiny bitch" that is always good for a chuckle.

You're not very good at...

Our friends over at Larger Than Average have been a bit lax in updating their blog and, in true Never Not Funny fashion, have resorted to mocking themselves for material. NNF staffers stumbled across a graphic sometime back that we have adopted to be used for just about anything that requires mocking. Exhibit A:
While the Internet is the originator, it's not unusual to hear, "You suck at Texas Hold 'Em" or, "You suck at eating food." Whatever the occasion where someone has made a buffoon of themselves, that's what they suck at.

Childish and immature, no doubt, but still Never Not Funny.

One Semester of Spanish Spanish Love Song

Never Not Funny staffers have a lot of fun with Spanglish. ¿Dónde está el baño? and Dos cervezas, por favor are perennial favorites. Of course, there are several other favorite phrases as well. As none of us has any more than a semester or two of High School Spanish under our belts (and that was a loooooong time ago), it should come as no surprise that the video below always gets laughs.



If only we'd filmed ourselves first, we could be Spanish Mike...

Stop Sign Flatulence

You know those grooves in the pavement to warn you about an upcoming stop sign? The ones that rattle the whole car and are supposed to "wake you up" so you don't blow through the country four-way at 65 miles-per-hour?

Every time you roll over one, excuse yourself as if you just relieved yourself via gaseous expulsion. To raise the bar, veer into the oncoming lane once safely through the intersection (after stopping, of course) to relive the fun.

It goes without saying, flatulence is pretty much never not funny around here.