Pickles in the Back...

Once again, we swear we do not make this stuff up. Funny stuff is all around us. One just has to have a depraved mind to see it.

As the Never Not Funny staff is known to do on Fridays, we were out to lunch at a local family dining establishment. We were being served by a young lady who was to the positive side of attractive and her pleasant, relaxed, and light-hearted demeanor contributed nicely. That's not especially critical to the story but, perhaps it will assist you with the visual.

So, we've basically wrapped up lunch and Amber (still not making this up) is coming around to collect plates and find out if anyone is interested in desert. One NNF staffer has consumed the entire contents of his plate save for his pickle spear. Amber reaches for the plate and asks if the staffer is finished. "Oh, no." he replies. "I'm going to eat my pickle." Amber stops mid-plate pickup and begins to move on to the next patron at the table when this particular staffer lifts up his plate and holds it out in front of himself exclaiming, "Unless you would like my pickle."

Now, the story is funny enough at this point because nearly everyone at the table had to muster up the strength not to laugh out loud. Amber's response however, made it darned near impossible for anyone to contain themselves. She said, and I quote, "Oh no. I can have all the pickles I want in back."

We don't believe the poor lass realized what she had said until shortly after it escaped her lips. When she came to drop off the check she did not make eye contact with any of the seven males at the table and merely muttered a rather flat, "Thanks and have a great day," as she all but tossed the check on the table. She then quickly turned and walked away.

She did get a rather hefty gratuity since we all had a great laugh over the whole thing.

Español para administradores

If you've read some of the other articles in this blog, you know that, from time to time, Never Not Funny staffers like to pretend we know Spanish. It usually winds up being a rather nonsensical mixutre of English and Spanish or "bad Spanglish." As such, a staffer out and about for lunch thought the following might help advance our professional educations.

Never Not Funny staffers - always looking to advance.

Great power, great responsibility... yeah, yeah, yeah...

Well, it appears the damage we did to Bennigan's went deeper than we originally thought. Early this week, the company filed for Chapter 7 bankruptcy and appears to be done for good.

Long live the Cash Crunch Lunch!

With great power comes great responsibility

If you've become familiar with Never Not Funny staffers via this blog, you know one thing we really like to do is eat. When the sacred lunch hour is not spent playing Texas Hold 'Em, we'll venture out with the rest of corporate America for a bite to eat.

As we're also a relatively frugal bunch, when Bennigan's started offering their $4.99 Cash Crunch Lunch, it quickly became one of our favorite establishments. Things seemed to be going so well - the limited-time promotion was extended and the Cash Crunch menu was expanded. We at Never Not Funny were living large. And then, out of nowhere, comes the email below.

It would seem that our hunger got the best of Bennigan's - we, apparently, ate them out of house and home. After tears were shed, we came to the realization that we, as consumers, are extremely powerful. And with that great power comes great responsibility. We promise to do our best not to put any other restaurants out of business.

Hi, my name is...

Never not Funny staffers like to eat. Visiting some of the local dining establishments often results in some interesting experiences. Now, we're not a sophisticated bunch (see the many flatulence-related posts scattered throughout the blog) so for us, a dining establishment is in the neighborhood of Applebee's, Chili's, Bennigan's, or Steak and Shake.

Even at Steak and Shake, you'll be greeted by a host or hostess and the exchange usually goes something like this:

Hi, I'm Amy. Welcome to Steak and Shake.

The hostess, Amy in this case, will then help you find a suitable table to dine at within the fine establishment. Upon being seated, Amy will say something like:

Your server will be with you in just a minute.

And Amy disappears to, presumably, seat the remaining flood of guests waiting to be seated. Just as Amy, the hostess, had stated, the server joins us within a couple of minutes.

Hi, I'm Amy. I'll be your server. What can I get you to drink?

Did you notice that both the hostess and the server were named Amy? You might be thinking, "Amy's a fairly common name - there are probably two different Amy's working." You'd be wrong. Amy the hostess and Amy the server are the same person!

Now, had this happened only once, you could chalk it up to a long day. But this has happened on at least three separate occasions with at least three different hostess/servers! Other than being Never Not Funny, what's up with that?!?!

Next time it happens, I'm going to have to say something.

You look familiar... Have we met before? Do you have a twin who works here? 'Cause, I swear, our hostess looked just like you!

You're In...

You know, the lunchtime Texas Hold 'Em games that Never Not Funny staffers participate in Monday to Thursday provide a lot of fodder for this blog - I imagine you'll be seeing more and more about these games as time goes on. Anywho...

Because we are at work, there are sometimes distractions during the poker game. It's not unusual for a participant to be checking email on a mobile device only to look up and find that another player has already pushed his ante in for him. "You're in," the proxy-bettor will say. Depending on the mood of the bet-by-proxy participant (whose chips have been pushed in for him), you may hear the rebuttal, "Feces."

OK, caught your breath yet? Cause, man, that is funny stuff. What? You don't get it? You're in. Feces. Still no? You're in, which can sound like urine if said quickly. Then feces. Got it? It's like trading insults. You know, if you have to explain it...

Flatulence = Fun

Nobody ever said this blog was sophisticated...

As staffers gathered to play the lunch-time Texas Hold 'Em game today, one eagerly shared an especially nauseating butt-cheek chorus compliments of, according to said staffer, "generic Aldi cheerios." Now, if you're a fan of this blog, you know that flatulence in and of itself can be the main entrance to an amusement park of side-splitting, eye-watering fun. Add the "Ozium factor" to the mix and you've got even better comedy.

As you may have guessed, this isn't the first time a Never Not Funny staffer has "let one go." Oh no, it is such a frequent event, in fact, combatant sprays have been purchased. Enter Medco Sports Medicine's Ozium. This particular staffer spent the better part of the poker game attempting to determine the correct timing and mixture of Ozium vs. noxious gas to keep the surrounding air that intoxicating aroma only 5 or 6 guys at lunch time can create.

His antics ranged from simultaneous expulsion of both gases, to Ozium before or Ozium after flatulence both with and without the aid of a small desktop fan. While additional research is required because there was no consensus in a successful containment, this staffer believes the Ozium needs something to "eat." As such, Ozium should be released at some yet-to-be-determined (but certainly short) amount of time after the human expulsion.

And that was just the first 15 minutes of a 1 hour game. For those of you who can't imagine it, let me tell you, hilarity ensued.

P.S. Did I mention that Ozium is labeled as a "Hazmat" item and cannot be shipped by air? That says something about the powers being meddled with...