Something Smells Rotten...

Here at NNF low brow humor is right in our sweet spot. However, we also pride ourselves in our professionalism during our day job. (Editor note: Wasn't this posted during work hours?) Occasionally our worlds collide.

A NNF Staffer was managing an important server when he discovered a very suspicious file. That file was named: FART.EXE

No file named FART.EXE should be on this server. (Editor note: On this server? What server should it be on?) This cause great concern, was it a Trojan, malware, spyware, web-bot, virus, or just a prank from a fellow staffer? Have we been hacked or has the system in some way been compromised? Great care was taken to isolate this file, scan it for viruses, and move it into quarantine. No virus or evil was found. Maybe it is a new virus, maybe we should upload it to one of the big security centers for analysis! What was it, we must know!

One particularly curious (and foolish) staffer copied the file to his laptop and ran the file to see what it was... When is a FART, not a FART? When the file is a text manipulation utility used to Find And Replace Text! No virus, no prank, just a crummy utility... A staffer used the utility and forgot to remove it from the system only to rediscover it months later thinking it was something evil. Good for a chuckle and a little geek excitement on a day before a holiday!

Pickles in the Back...

Once again, we swear we do not make this stuff up. Funny stuff is all around us. One just has to have a depraved mind to see it.

As the Never Not Funny staff is known to do on Fridays, we were out to lunch at a local family dining establishment. We were being served by a young lady who was to the positive side of attractive and her pleasant, relaxed, and light-hearted demeanor contributed nicely. That's not especially critical to the story but, perhaps it will assist you with the visual.

So, we've basically wrapped up lunch and Amber (still not making this up) is coming around to collect plates and find out if anyone is interested in desert. One NNF staffer has consumed the entire contents of his plate save for his pickle spear. Amber reaches for the plate and asks if the staffer is finished. "Oh, no." he replies. "I'm going to eat my pickle." Amber stops mid-plate pickup and begins to move on to the next patron at the table when this particular staffer lifts up his plate and holds it out in front of himself exclaiming, "Unless you would like my pickle."

Now, the story is funny enough at this point because nearly everyone at the table had to muster up the strength not to laugh out loud. Amber's response however, made it darned near impossible for anyone to contain themselves. She said, and I quote, "Oh no. I can have all the pickles I want in back."

We don't believe the poor lass realized what she had said until shortly after it escaped her lips. When she came to drop off the check she did not make eye contact with any of the seven males at the table and merely muttered a rather flat, "Thanks and have a great day," as she all but tossed the check on the table. She then quickly turned and walked away.

She did get a rather hefty gratuity since we all had a great laugh over the whole thing.

Flies and Windows

You ever wonder if flies, when they first realize they can't fly through a closed window, think, "Holy crap, dude! Check it out - I can walk on air!" You know, right after they go, "Ouch - didn't see that coming" when the smack into the glass, then gather their bearings and think, "Woah... I'm walking here..."

Just wondering...

Español para administradores

If you've read some of the other articles in this blog, you know that, from time to time, Never Not Funny staffers like to pretend we know Spanish. It usually winds up being a rather nonsensical mixutre of English and Spanish or "bad Spanglish." As such, a staffer out and about for lunch thought the following might help advance our professional educations.

Never Not Funny staffers - always looking to advance.

Needs no introduction...

More bathroom etiquette: The Courtesy Peek

Two Never Not Funny staffers just returned from the bathroom (they departed from the bathroom separately - we're not girls! Although, we're not above going together, either.) red-faced and giggling to themselves.

Staffer one says, "you really gotta learn how to lock the stall door."

Staffer two says, "I did! And, what about the courtesy peek?!"

So, with at least two other staffers now pulled into the fray by the (now) out-loud laughing, we come to find out that there is opening the stall-door etiquette, too. Even if you believe the stall to be empty, you still open the door just a crack to verify said stall is indeed empty. That as opposed to pulling the door wide-open and finishing a conversation with an uninvolved third party while the guy on the throne is left in shock and awe to search for the appropriate words to express, "Umm, I'm in here with my pants around my ankles - how about a little help here?"

You also have to wonder... who's more embarrassed in that situation? The guy with his pants around his ankles certainly has lost some pride. I don't care how studly you are, when you caught sitting on the throne with you pants around your ankles, you are not looking good. But, the often overlooked unintentional "peeker" is also in a bit of an awkward situation. If nothing else, he's thinking, "Yeah, I didn't need to see that."

Always good times around the Never Not Funny offices...

Crazy Ivan

A NNF staffer recently conveyed a story about a momentary loss of control while performing an otherwise uneventful urinary trip to the bathroom. Other staffers were quick to agree - sometimes, things just aren't expressed in the direction the "cannon" is pointed.

It seems males, for whatever reason, are prone to this irrational and unpredictable situation at any time, day or night, but staffers agree the first urinary expression of the day has the highest risk. Thankfully, that potentially embarrassing situation of misguided expression tends to occur at home. For it is in public places, with urinals lined up next to one another that the "Crazy Ivan" can have potentially disastrous consequences - how does one apologize for accidentally peeing on somebody else's foot? Especially when that poor individually is perpendicular to the "cannon?"

So guys, watch your backs, I mean sides, in the public bathrooms - you never know when a Crazy Ivan might come your way!

A man, an airplane, and six kids

A man boarded a plane with 6 kids. After they got settled in their seats a woman sitting across the aisle leaned over and asked, "Are all those kids yours?"

The man replied, "No. I work for a condom company. These are customer complaints."

Great power, great responsibility... yeah, yeah, yeah...

Well, it appears the damage we did to Bennigan's went deeper than we originally thought. Early this week, the company filed for Chapter 7 bankruptcy and appears to be done for good.

Long live the Cash Crunch Lunch!

Learning Commando

A Never Not Funny staffer is out this week for a training class. Back in the office, we received this email:

So, I woke up this morning, showered and everything. It was as I was getting dressed that I discovered that I failed to pack any underwear. Soooooo, today I'm learning VMWare in a commando-type style. I saw a Wal-Mart on the way between the hotel and the training facility and will be making a purchase on the way back tonight... Unless I decide I'm more comfortable this way. It may be a lifestyle change for me. Who knows?

We don't make this stuff up, folks. It just happens. And it's all around us.