Flying with Flatulence

From the archives of, "we can't make this stuff up:"
NBC news says, if you're flying, fart.

Baseball, beer, and... Vomit?

There is a time in many a young lad's life when, perhaps, the fun at the ol' ballpark gets a little out of hand. Such was the case, we believe, with this young fellow.

After Monday and Tuesday...

Even the calendar says:

W T F

Clean Your Balls

Flatulence: not just monkey busine$$

Another item in the, "seriously folks, we don't make this stuff up" category...

Seems competing flatulence apps for the iPhone are getting ready to duke it out over who gets to use the phrase "pull my finger." I hope everything comes out alright. I'm sure it will in the end.

Read the CNN article:
http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/02/17/flatulence.fight/

Español para administradores

If you've read some of the other articles in this blog, you know that, from time to time, Never Not Funny staffers like to pretend we know Spanish. It usually winds up being a rather nonsensical mixutre of English and Spanish or "bad Spanglish." As such, a staffer out and about for lunch thought the following might help advance our professional educations.

Never Not Funny staffers - always looking to advance.

Needs no introduction...

More bathroom etiquette: The Courtesy Peek

Two Never Not Funny staffers just returned from the bathroom (they departed from the bathroom separately - we're not girls! Although, we're not above going together, either.) red-faced and giggling to themselves.

Staffer one says, "you really gotta learn how to lock the stall door."

Staffer two says, "I did! And, what about the courtesy peek?!"

So, with at least two other staffers now pulled into the fray by the (now) out-loud laughing, we come to find out that there is opening the stall-door etiquette, too. Even if you believe the stall to be empty, you still open the door just a crack to verify said stall is indeed empty. That as opposed to pulling the door wide-open and finishing a conversation with an uninvolved third party while the guy on the throne is left in shock and awe to search for the appropriate words to express, "Umm, I'm in here with my pants around my ankles - how about a little help here?"

You also have to wonder... who's more embarrassed in that situation? The guy with his pants around his ankles certainly has lost some pride. I don't care how studly you are, when you caught sitting on the throne with you pants around your ankles, you are not looking good. But, the often overlooked unintentional "peeker" is also in a bit of an awkward situation. If nothing else, he's thinking, "Yeah, I didn't need to see that."

Always good times around the Never Not Funny offices...

Crazy Ivan

A NNF staffer recently conveyed a story about a momentary loss of control while performing an otherwise uneventful urinary trip to the bathroom. Other staffers were quick to agree - sometimes, things just aren't expressed in the direction the "cannon" is pointed.

It seems males, for whatever reason, are prone to this irrational and unpredictable situation at any time, day or night, but staffers agree the first urinary expression of the day has the highest risk. Thankfully, that potentially embarrassing situation of misguided expression tends to occur at home. For it is in public places, with urinals lined up next to one another that the "Crazy Ivan" can have potentially disastrous consequences - how does one apologize for accidentally peeing on somebody else's foot? Especially when that poor individually is perpendicular to the "cannon?"

So guys, watch your backs, I mean sides, in the public bathrooms - you never know when a Crazy Ivan might come your way!

A man, an airplane, and six kids

A man boarded a plane with 6 kids. After they got settled in their seats a woman sitting across the aisle leaned over and asked, "Are all those kids yours?"

The man replied, "No. I work for a condom company. These are customer complaints."

Tragedy + Time = Humor

Subliminal Advertising

Whoever wrote this ad has taken "the sickness" to a whole new level.

Innuendo or is that In-you-end-o?

The typical Never Not Funny staffer is a middle-aged guy with, what the folks at Larger Than Average have coined, "the sickness." As such, the signs pictured below make us giggle like little schoolgirls every time.

This kid's lucky to be alive!

With all the flatulence surrounding Never Not Funny staffers, there's a certain familiarity with the bathroom. We all agree, though, "no contest" is the only way we can plea with this kid's accomplishment.

If you're not in shock and awe, you need to carefully read the caption again.

A picture is worth a thousand words

Never Not Funny staffers see it. How about you?

Flatulence Football

Once again, nobody ever said this blog was sophisticated...

An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows When the old man passes gas and says, "Seven Points."

His wife rolls over and says, "What in the world was that?"

The old man replied, "It's fart football."

A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says "Touchdown, tie score."

After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says, "Aha. I'm ahead 14 to 7."

Not to be outdone the wife rips out another one and says, "Touchdown, tie score."

Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says, "Field goal, I lead 17 to 14." Now the pressure is on the old man.

He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard. Since defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he's got, and accidentally "soils" the bed.

The wife says, "What the heck was that?"

The old man says, "Half time, switch sides."

The most innocent of things...

...can be Never Not Funny. I don't know that it's necessary to say anything else about the street sign below.

Then again, who can help themselves with such a target-rich environment?

I wonder if they do any pup-tent camping on Morningwood Drive?
I wonder if they raise any roosters on Morningwood Drive?
I wonder if there area any missile silos on Morningwood Drive?
I wonder if residents of Morningwood Drive have a "hard" time getting out of bed in the morning?

Come on-you know you've got some of your own...

Leave it running

The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar and sat down to drink a beer. After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said, "Who owns that big white horse outside?"

The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gun belt and said, "I do. Why?"

The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, "I just thought you'd like to know that your horse is about dead outside."

The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and, sure enough, Silver was ready to die from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger got the horse water and soon Silver was starting to feel a little better.

The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said "Tonto, I want you to run around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him feel even better."

Tonto said, "Sure, Kemosabe" and took off running circles around Silver. Not able to do anything else but wait, the Lone Ranger returned to the bar to finish his drink.

A few minutes later, another cowboy struts into the bar and asks "Who owns that big white horse outside?"

The Lone Ranger stands again, and exclaims, "I do, what's wrong with him this time?"

The cowboy looks him in the eye and says, "Nothing, but you left your injun running."

Crazy Pirate

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in the front of his pants.

The bartender says "Hey buddy - you know you got a steering wheel in the front of your pants?"
The pirate says, "Arggh, me knows. It's drivin' me nuts."

Tragedy + Time = Humor